First of all, THANK YOU, Goodell.

What a trashy scumbag this guy has been. Maybe if you get your head out of your ass and straighten up a bit, you won’t get sacked so much. I hope this is the last chance Rooney gives you, Ben. If you don’t grow up after this suspension, you should be tossed to the wolves where you can self-destruct without ruining my team. How many of us would trade anything to have enough talent to make it as an NFL QB? You’ve got it-enough of it-and you spoil it by acting like an imbecile, time and again. Now go sit in your room and think about what you did. 

Now that I’ve gotten that rant off my chest, I want to ask a kind of strange question. Does anyone know why my lamp flickers? Is it some kind of surge of electricity? 

Let me explain. You know how when a lightbulb dies, there’s like a big flash and a small “crack” sound? You know, it sounds almost like the lightbulb actually broke? I’m sure the filament is doing something to cause that sound. I guess it breaks? Anyway, then the light goes out and that’s it. Burnt-out bulb. 

Well, my lamp does the burn-out dance every day, throughout the day. I’m not exactly sure how often, but I’ve personally witnessed it at least ten times. And the bulb still works. So what is happening there? 

To further elucidate the situation: this popping thing happens when the light is off. This is a very small bedside touch-lamp with a three-way bulb.  All three light levels continue to work–so I don’t think it’s like one of the filaments broke or something. Perhaps just faulty wiring? Considering the way Koreans slap these apartments together, I wouldn’t be surprised. 

And now that I’ve babbled about something mundane but queer that has been bothering me for quite some time, I’ll tell you about the end of our Jeju trip that now seems like it was ages ago. Maybe if you’re lucky I’ll tell you more about Thailand at some point. 

So after our night of post-hike relaxation, I kinda quit referring to the lava tube as a wormhole, but when you see the thing it really does look like a hole made by a giant earthworm. And if you filled it with light and groovy Hollywood special effects, it would also look like an honest-to-goodness wormhole. 

We got to this pretty area out toward the crater we hiked the first day on the east end of the island and jumped out of the little Awesome-car. There were gorgeous cherry blossoms all over the parking lot, so we helped a Japanese(?) couple get their picture under one of the trees and then got our own taken by them. The ground had lots of lava rock poking up through the grass, giving it a really rustic feel. We paid our two bucks and marched to the entrance. It was a steep set of stairs so long that I couldn’t see the bottom. “EEEE!” my calves bleated. My legs nearly gave out with the first step. Luckily, there were big sturdy railings to hang onto, and I DID. The stairs get increasingly wet as you get into the tube itself (the first part of the stair isn’t covered, as this particular entrance is through a hole in the ground where the ceiling of the tube had collapsed. 

I don't think I've ever prayed so much for my calves. Or ever. At all.

The air was immediately wet and cool. Almost downright cold. And it smelled not of mildew or dirt or darkened dampness of any kind, but of the air after a cold spring rain. It was fabulous, that smell. It didn’t smell like we were underground at all, or like any cave I’d ever been in before. It was glorious! But dark…very dark. And dripping. And the smooth-rough ground was covered in water, which meant you had to tread carefully or risk slipping. The wet stone steps were the worst. But the tube floor was really interesting, because it was a frozen lava river. So it was smooth, but wavy. 

We surfed on a few lava rafts and we photographed the Manjanggul lava pillar. 

These happen when lava from the tube upstairs burns through the ceiling of the lava tube you're in. And then cools. Quickly. So it looks less like a pillar and more like a pile o' poo.

This guy’s one of the biggest lava poos in existence. 

[I also got a decent shot of a lava TURTLE! ("teutah" is how my students pronounce it...so I exaggerate whatever western PA accent I can muster and insist on "TURD-ul")] 

On the way back from the tubes, we stopped to see some other worm…holes.

We checked out the super-famous Jeju Love Land.  Korea’s funny about sex: we don’t talk about it here, but the damned country is covered in love motels. Prostitution seems prevalent, though under wraps. The Pill is a taboo topic. 

Some Korean college students, presumably tired of these inconsistencies, created a monument to love and love-making. If you want to see more, just google-image “Jeju Love Land”. You’ll get a taste of some of the really fantastic pieces in this park. It’s a shame that they aren’t better maintained, however: I noticed the paint is beginning to wear thin on a number of sculptures. 

This is one of the more tame pieces. Please take notice of the bottom right corner.